Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
