I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need a beard to bite.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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