I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
