the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
