I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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