Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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