oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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