Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
