youre lurking in front of me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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