she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
