Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
