these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
