you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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