He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
