my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
