I cockslap morals
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
where are you?
Hypothermia
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
