mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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