Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
