Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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