dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it's like iHOP with fire
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
