if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
