The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
