I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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