i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
