fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
