$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
