they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
