I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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