Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
