All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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