don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize