Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
