Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize