Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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