Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
