Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
