im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize