sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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