If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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