i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
