dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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