epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
