I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
