Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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