Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
