I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I want is dick and wine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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