Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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