how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
