I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
