We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
