this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize