I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
