I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
