i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The best revenge is premature balding
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
