I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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