1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We have started to decorate penises.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
