I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
