ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This house was built for laser tag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
