i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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