areolas are like halos for boobs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
