yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
