My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I looked at my own cervix.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
