Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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