I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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