A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
