Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
