Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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