haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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