Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
