Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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