I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
