Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
