i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
